Nobody is perfect, guys. People mess up. They screw the pooch, it happens. And learning the in’s and out’s of the whole ‘fuckbuddy’ thing can be very tricky, so don’t think you’re safe from experiencing something similar.
If you pay close attention to these major hookup mistakes men make, you might actually pick up on a few things that might ultimately make you a supreme candidate for the ‘fuckbuddy’ position. Let’s get into it.
Too Many Questions
Have you ever met a girl who you think is sweet and attractive one moment, and then obsessive in the next? You know, the kind of girl that bombards you think 100 questions every 5 minutes because she’s worried that you’re DMing some other hot piece of ass? Yeah.
Unless you’re the kind of guy that likes to feel like he’s getting interrogated by his mom every time he goes over for a smash, this girl is everyone’s worst nightmare. Especially when you actually go meet up with her.
I know because I’ve been there – your dick is hard and you don’t care what you’re about to stick it in, even if it’s some crazy chick with a neck tattoo that you met an hour ago through a dating app. In your right mind you probably would have realized the insanity radiating off of her profile, but now all you need is a warm bed with a hottie in it.
Well, that’s where you fucked up because you didn’t even think about the hours of pillow talk that comes with these kinds of ‘first meet-ups’ and you definitely didn’t think about how much you mean to her. But don’t worry, she’ll tell you. Over and over again. Like a nightmarish coo-coo-clock.
You’ve probably done this one time or another so, don’t laugh too hard fellas. Just know that when that fateful day comes, and you get 18 text messages in a row and have plans to attend a couples jewelry making class at the youth center – I’ll be laughing right back.
What Are We?
One of the most uncool fuck-buddy moves you can pull would have to be the one where you try to un-fuck-buddy her. Becasue that’s what happens right?
In case you’ve never been in this situation before, let me lay it on you. You’re laying in be covered in sweat, wearing a thin sheet as a robe, and she rests her head on your chest. She takes a deep exhale, looks up at you and says, “What are we? Really, what are we?” and your balls literally turn back up into your body, almost like they’re trying to disappear from existence itself.
This is just a bad move for anyone to make without picking up some signals first. Not to mention it completely destroys the whole dynamic of the hangout. A fuckbuddy hangout says, “Let’s have unprotected sex and run red lights!” as opposed to the girlfriend dynamic of “15 minutes of missionary and 2 hours listening about her day at work.
If you’re a guy, you’re not safe from this pal. In fact, guys might actually do this more than girls. Anyways, when you ask her if she wants to take it a step further by attempting to define your relationship, you ruin everything you two have built. She either says no and then has to explain to you why she doesn’t think you should come over anymore, or she says no again.
There’s no senario where you come out of this one on top, sorry guys. Just don’t try it.
If you have a 2 liter of lube sitting on your nightstand when she comes over for the first time… what are you doin’ here. I mean, maybe if you were 16 and lame it might be ok, but you’re grown.
By pulling out lube before the foreplay, you have (in a single move) destroyed the entire evening’s mood. Girls like excitement, they like passion, they like heat-of-the-moment stuff – not a man who’s too prepared to fuck. She wants to see the fire in your eyes man, not the jelly on your wiener.
It also tells a woman right away that you’re an incompetent lover. I mean, if you have to break out the travel sized KY just to put it in then you’re probably not going to be able to satisfy a high-caliber fuckbuddy like her.
Not to mention it smells like shit. Have you ever gotten that stuff on you? It smells like somebody fermented can of old tennis balls and then juiced them. The smell doesn’t go away either – you need to wash your hands like 3 fuckin’ times before you finally stop smelling like a used fleshlight. It’s horrible for both people involved and it just sadly not a huge turn on for most ladies.